Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Ancestors

Mayhap it's appropriate that this has occurred, during October, the month of the holiday that my ancestors celebrated their ancestors, and the day the wheel turns to the upward swing of the year.

My grandfather, the only one I've got left, is having some kind of urinary problem. The doctors don't know what's wrong. They're doing tests. Hopefully we find out on Friday what's going on and what they plan to do about it. I hope, but in the meantime I worry. I can't help it... he's family.

Even if he's family that has contributed to my exile, my slander, my existence as a pariah because of lies and misconceptions that no one seems willing to allow me to correct. He's still family, gods damn it all.

And I am minded of my other grandfather, that I lost years ago... I fight tears as I sit here writing. He was the biggest-hearted man I've ever known. He loved us all unswervingly, his four children and myself and my cousins, his grandchildren... and the one great-grandchild he got to know for a little while. He defended us against everyone, even each other, when the moment was necessary. Of my grandparents, perhaps it is a little selfish of me... but I still ask, why Daddy Bob first? Why was he the first to cross the veil between this world and the next?

Family is so precious, too precious. Especially our Old Ones. In a way, our ancestors are all we have. They are where we come from. Our very DNA would not exist if not for them. We owe our lives to them. Celebrate them, in this time when the veil is thin and the other side may hear us more clearly. They have so much life behind them, and so little time, an unknown time, left to us.  It is too precious to let the things between us stay there. I wish, pray, hope for the day that my voice and presence is wanted again, for the day that maybe, just maybe, I correct some of the lies being told about me and I can be part of my family again. Whatever else you may think of me, I love my family and this is never what I wanted. I do want to fix it, but you have to meet me halfway, too.

I adore my grandfather. I ask for prayers, positive energies, and whatever else fits your paradigm to send his way for healing and blessing.

And maybe, while you're at it, pray for a little reconciliation for us, too. All of us.

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